Sophia's Birth Story

Hello everyone! Finally getting around to making a post about our sweet baby girl's arrival. I want to make sure I get down all the details before too much time passes and they start to fade from my memory. So here goes.......

Warning: Its a long one.

Tuesday March 19th 2013

(Enter the Law and Order duh duh sound)

I went in to St. Luke's for my 40 week appointment to find out that my blood pressure had gone up since the week before and that I was retaining a ton of fluid. I felt no different than before but they were concerned and since I was 40 weeks along they decided to have me admitted right then and there for an induction. It wasn't really sinking in. I asked my OB, Dr. Janet Matuszek, "Wait, so you mean I'm not leaving here and the next time I walk into my house it will be with my baby??" She replied, "YEP!" I just couldn't believe it!  I mean I knew I could have the baby at any point yet I still wasn't prepared for the moment to finally arrive. Plus, I didn't have my hospital bag with me. Plus, we hadn't made arrangements for who was going to look after the dogs while we were at the hospital. But here we are, around 3:00 pm that Tuesday afternoon getting admitted to Labor and Delivery of St. Luke's. They got me all nice and tucked into my room, the same room they explained that would be my birthing room as well. Weird! I was hooked up, my heart rate being monitored as well as the baby's. John went home to collect my things and take care of our doggies. I'm still sad that I didn't get to have a last moment with them before leaving to have their new little sister. Life does not care what plans we make or how we envision things. Life has a plan all its own.


Fast forward to that evening, John has returned and our families have arrived as well. My mom cries a lot. Lots of hugs and "I can't believe its time!" comments. At some point that night they administer the drugs to get the ball rolling. I begin to feel cramping but as I have never had a contraction before I wasn't sure if that's what I was feeling. They kept asking me how I was feeling and I was all like, "OK I guess!" I have no clue what's going on but it doesn't hurt too bad. I had even Googled what contractions feel like and for every woman that has had a baby, there are that many descriptions for what it feels like. Time goes on, they gave me something to help me sleep (didn't really work). But at that point the families left to go home for the night and John went home to the dogs. It makes me a little sad that I spent every night alone in the hospital but it was also a very special gift as well. (More on that later.)

Wednesday March 20th 2013

Good morning! Things are progressing VERY slowly for me. I've barely dilated. Boo! By that afternoon the cramping, as I called it, has become very intense. I held onto the side rail of the bed every time a contraction rolled through me. I picked a spot and focused on it hard. They kept coming quicker and quicker, each time more intense. But still no progression! At this point I'm barely speaking and just holding on for dear life to that bed rail.

See?

At some point my mom can't take seeing me in pain anymore and says its time for some drugs. Very Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment.

They bring in the drug doc to give me an epidural and during that lovely procedure as I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, barely breathing from the pain, and squeezing John's hands until they are almost broken, my water breaks. Ew weird. They have me lay down so my nurse can examine me and help expel more of the fluid, not fun!  Through all this and the endless contractions my little baby's heart rate became erratic. My OB was at a different hospital at the moment so I was tended to by this wonderfully sweet doctor who's name I can't quite recall. I want to say Dr. Penetta but I have no idea how to spell it! (If anyone knows the doctor that I'm speaking of please let me know!) She tells me very calmly, in her endearing accent, that the baby isn't doing well and we need to get her out immediately.

The conversation went like this:

Dr. Penetta: Baby no happy. She no like contractions. We take her out now, OK? OK.
I nod my head.

She explains to me in the nicest way possible that they are worried for the baby and are now going to do an emergency c-section. I remain calm as well, although internally I was freaking the eff out. I don't care what they have to do to me, just make sure my baby is OK!

So everyone around me is scrambling now and shouting different code this and code that. My mom is a mess at this point, understandably so, as I am HER baby. But at some point she is asked to leave. They have John get scrubbed up and ready to join me in the OR. I remember feeling comforted by the fact that one of the nurses told John, "Don't forget the camera Daddy, you'll want to get some pics!" If she is assuming my baby will be just fine and dandy for a photo shoot then everything is going to be OK. The families kiss me and wish me good luck. My mom is hanging on by a thread.

I'm wheeled into the OR and transferred to the surgery table, my arms strapped down like I'm on a cross. They give me more drugs to numb me completely from my chest down. It was like a nightmare being trapped in my own body. I can't stop shaking from all the drugs in my system but keep assuring John that I feel fine, that I'm not cold. He's holding my hand and I can barely see his face due to the hat and mask but looking into his eyes comforts me. He tells me later that he didn't look over at the other side of the sheet but that so much blood was running off the table it ended up splattering on his shoes. Yuck! There is still a small dot of my blood on those shoes. So I can feel them cutting and tugging in a distant numbed way, and before I knew what was happening, they started cheering, "She's here!"

Welcome sweet baby Sophia!

8 lbs 2 oz 21 inches long

Born at 5:12 pm on March 20th 2013

The next few minutes are a blur but I see them take her to a corner in the room and then I hear it...her first cry. Oh my goodness. I'm tearing up while typing this now. It was the best moment of my life, hands down. I remember saying, "Omg her cry is so tiny and cute." A nurse then informed me I wouldn't always feel that way. Ha ha nurse, hilarious. So I'm still strapped down while they put me back together and John has left to go to that corner to cut the cord. Or cut what was left of it, as it had already been officially cut when they got her out. I can't see anyone or anything from my angle but all I hear is, "She's perfect!" and "Look at all that hair!" While they weigh and measure her, John comes over to kiss me and tell me through a throaty cry that she IS perfect. She is healthy, 10 fingers, 10 toes, beautiful, with lots of dark hair. I had been crying ever since hearing her cry and now after the report from John crying even harder. What feels like a century later (probably 5 mins) they FINALLY bring her to me! 

Another best moment of my life. There are so many lately! I get to touch her beautiful little face, to kiss her chubby little cheeks. I'm all set to go now, so they wrap her up and put her in my arms. Third best moment of my life. My baby girl is so perfect, so healthy, and now safely in my arms. I could not have been any happier.

Side Notes: The entire process of finding out I was going to have an emergency c-section to having the surgery complete and my baby in my arms took about 20 minutes tops. It was that quick. At some point my OB had finally arrived and was there to close me up but I owe everything to Dr. Penetta. (Even though she wasn't my OB she came to our room several times a day to say hi to me and Sophia and to see how we were doing. She said Sophia reminded her very much of her granddaughter who is also named Sophia) Also, at some point while in the OR the nurses played a joke on my mom saying it was twins. Yikes! My mom was not in the right frame of mind for pranks. I'm glad they were all having a good time though.

So baby and I are wheeled out of the OR and whizzed past our waiting families. They all look so relieved, so many happy tears replacing the scared ones. We get moved into the recovery room where they go over breast feeding with me and we give it our first go. A few tries of finding the right position and she latched! Wow, I'm really doing it, I'm a mom! They examine her further, do the foot prints, families come in, pictures are taken. Its all such a happy blur.

Sophia with nurse Emily. She was absolutely fantastic in every possible way. I have no doubt things wouldn't have gone as smoothly without her. She even sent us a card in the mail a week after Sophia was born. 

Seriously she is the happiest baby, even from day one. Eyes open, hands waving hello!

The only picture John and I had taken together while at the hospital. I look pretty horrendous, but happy!

At this point I still can't move my legs, I'm very sleepy, and a little sick to my stomach. They assured me it was all normal and would quickly pass after some rest. I didn't want to sleep, I didn't want to take my eyes off of my angel. I just wanted to keep her wrapped up in my arms forever. Fatigue eventually won and they took her to the nursery so I could sleep a little. A bit later they bring her back in for another feeding and I get my snuggle time again, yay! Best way ever to be woken up. The families say their good nights and sadly Daddy does too because our other babies needed to be taken care of as well.

And this is the part that I mentioned earlier....

I'm a little sad that John had to leave every night and a couple times throughout the day. But secretly, I LOVED all the alone time with Sophia.

All mine. 

Every feeding, her first fussy cries in the middle of the night, I got to take care of all by myself. I didn't need anyone's help. No mother, no mother-in-law, no sister or brother, not even Daddy. Just me and Sophia. I learned very quickly how to soothe my little girl all on my own. I remember the second night she was particularly fussy (she needed to poop!) and John had to go home to Bella and Bauer and I'm standing there holding a crying Sophia.  Neither of us wanted him to go in that moment. Later that night, baby sleeping peacefully, I text him a pic of her and called myself The Baby Whisperer.  I'm very proud of myself and Sophia for doing so well together right from the start.

Side Note:  Recovering from a c-section hurts like a b*tch. But another thing I'm proud of is that I never took prescription meds for the pain. Just some over the counter ibu's. If I may brag for a moment (too late), even the nurses were impressed with my pain tolerance and strength through everything. I even healed quickly. OK end brag. More brags on Sophia to come though! Haha.

Saturday March 23rd 2013

Its finally time to go home! From being induced Tuesday to having baby on Wednesday to a Saturday morning release. We could have stayed until Sunday but baby and I were doing well and there was a big snow storm on its way. I couldn't wait to get home. Those first few days at home were some of the best of my life. It snowed like crazy and I was all snuggled up at home with Sophia, John, Bella, Bauer and Poopie. My whole family all together. Having John off of work for a week was so amazing. It was seriously like a baby vacation. We pretty much never left our bedroom. Bassinet by our bed, changing table and swing nearby. John always watched over me and Sophia as we took our frequent post-feeding naps. No one ever told me how sleepy breast feeding makes you! We watched a ton of movies on Netflix and ate lots of delicious meals and always cookies and milk for dessert. John was my nurse and took very good care of my recovery as well. He also made sure I stayed hydrated to help with the breast feeding. Every middle of the night feeding he woke up too and rubbed my back as I fed little Sophia. I tell John all the time how much I wish we were wealthy enough that neither of us had to work so every day of our lives could be just like those days.

So there it is. Sophia Isla Feager's birth story. She turns 7 months old tomorrow! She's growing and learning everyday. And that hair, it keeps growing too! I'll post more on current baby happenings in another post tomorrow. This one is just for her arrival. Into this world, into my arms, into our lives.

40 Weeks and No End in Sight

My little Super Girl is taking her super sweet time.

 

This is my life lately. Hahaha

 

Soooo at my 39 week check up last week I had not progressed any closer to going into labor. I was still only slightly one centimeter dilated. My cervix, thick and stubborn. I have my 40 week appointment tomorrow and I hope something has changed! People keep telling me that they had not started dilating at all and then wham suddenly they went into labor. The not knowing when its going to happen is killing me. I've also started having dreams about going into labor. This morning I woke up pushing, yikes. So here I am just waiting for the pot to boil. But I guess its ok, the longer she takes the closer we are to warmer weather and spring. Plus, if she waits until the 21st she'll be an Aries like me :)

In the meantime, I've been getting our house in order......

Our pretty home in Ballwin. (Can't wait for everything to be green like this again!)

 

The day we moved in I was 4 months pregnant and hauling boxes like a champ.

 

Things are clean and organized around here and her nursery is finished. We have everything I can possibly think of that we need for our little bambino. My mom and I have become regulars at every store in STL that sells baby things. We have received so many wonderful gifts from family and friends. Being well equipped certainly makes me feel more prepared and in control.

 

Baby stuff, everything is so cute!

 

A family member generously gave us this used Peg Perego car seat and base, but then.....

 

This weekend John's parents gave us our travel system with stroller, car seat and car seat base! So happy we have a second car seat now.  

 

Here is a look at Baby Feager's room:

 

 

 

 

Hopefully she likes lavender.

 

Its all in the details....

 

I've had this mini set of Peter Rabbit books since I was a little girl, so excited to give them to MY little girl.

 

 

 

Tiny, little shoes. I could just die.

 

Our bedroom set up, bassinet on my side of the bed. We will also be bringing down the changing table and bringing in our rocker.

 



Between the bassinet, the crib, the bouncy seat, the swing, and the cradle rocker, we should be able to find something that will help her sleep soundly. Wishful thinking? It will probably be our arms and she will be a ticking time bomb waiting to go off at the slightest noise and movement. Hopefully she quickly gets used to the dogs barking. More wishful thinking.

 

Ok I guess that's it for now. I'm crossing my fingers that I get another good check up tomorrow. Now its about time to make John some dinner and then watch Walking Dead from last night. Its our favorite show and should be yours as well. 

Our Baby

I wanted to make a new blog entry, one last blog entry before everything changes completely for the rest of my life. Our baby is due in just a couple weeks.

Our baby.

Still getting used to saying that. Every time I say it, type it, hear it, think it, I'm overcome with happiness. I smile. Our baby. Our little baby girl.

As I'm typing this I feel her hiccuping. She does this a couple times a day.  I've read that this is normal and a good sign of health and development. I've also read that it can mean she will have reflux issues. Google is my best friend and worst enemy these days. My doctor told me to stay off of Google but late at night when the baby kicks me awake I find myself reaching for my phone and looking up all the things that make me paranoid.

I realize this is a waste of my time so I'll then put down my phone and simply enjoy feeling her moving around inside of me. I have really loved these moments. She is my little buddy, my constant companion, who enjoys meal times as much as I do and loves taking little naps with me as well. We've got a good schedule going right now. Maybe it will stay this way after she's born? All peaceful and serene. Mother Earth and her nature baby.  Haha, I love that I can be this delusional before reality comes crashing in with middle of the night feedings, exploding diapers, and colic.

So I'm 39 weeks now.....

Yay, puffy pregnant face!

My doctor says she will let me go to 41 weeks before inducing. I'd prefer to go into labor naturally, but my mom had to be induced with me as well, so I guess it just might be in the cards for me. To be honest getting up out of chairs is getting harder and I've started waddling a bit.

Ready to pop.

Shaving my legs and painting my toenails is also starting to get more difficult. By 41 weeks I can only imagine I'll be having John do these things for me. Overall though I feel really good. Doc says my weight gain has been great and my blood pressure is great as well (knock on wood). Lots of amniotic fluid, normal growth for baby, good strong heart. That's all I can ask for. Tomorrow I have my 39 week check up, hopefully things are still going well and maybe I've even progressed some. Last week she said I was dilated a slight one. My mom is convinced I'm going to have her this weekend, but I think she's going to have to be evicted by my OB. We shall see.

I'm so excited to meet her. I'm also scared. Will I be a good mother? I'm not scared of childbirth. I'm not scared about lack of sleep or my ability to feed and care for her. I'm scared about helping this little human grow to her furthest potential. I want to nurture her and guide her and help her find her own path without clouding things with my own dreams and projections. I want to see her flourish in whatever activity suits her best without pushing so much that she turns away from it. I want to help her see all the beauty that this world has to offer but not be blind to its realities. I want to be a good role model for her. I want to show her it's good to be strong. It's good to be silly. It's good to be your own person. Laugh as much as you can. Learn everything you can. Try as many new things as possible. I want her to know mama always has her back. I will always be her safety net.

I know that things don't always work out as perfectly as planned. I know there will be times when I'll feel like I've failed. But right now in this perfect moment before she arrives I can dream about being the best mom ever. It helps me to not be so scared.

We just have to hang some curtains in the nursery and install the carseat. Our bedroom is all set up for the first few weeks after her birth and my hospital bags are packed and ready to go. I'll probably scrub the house a thousand more times before she gets here and John needs to give the dogs their baths. Everyone will be spic and span for the queen's arrival. Or should I say princess because I'm the queen? :)

So, yes, this may be my last entry until after she arrives. Or with nervous anticipation I may write 10 more entries in the next week. Thank goodness I have John, my rock. He takes such good care of me. I have 110% confidence that he will be an amazing father . I want to take this moment to pat myself on the back for marrying so well. He was so cute the other day. I went up to his work and he paraded me around to his co-workers, so proud of me and our baby. It's just one of the million reasons why I'm so in love with him. I know, I know, vomit right? But I think this is the one of the times I'm allowed to freely gush about about the love I'm feeling. I love my doggies, I love John, I love our baby. I love my little family.

Ok, time for some milk and cookies. Good thing my mom bought 5 boxes of Girl Scout cookies for me :)